To do, tada! A totally different view.

My to-do list took over my life the past couple of weeks. That's okay... productivity is one of the best things ever.  Sorry, friends, for the radio silence, and thanks for checking back in!

I feel I'm full of paradoxes. I'm a herd of paradoxen
wondering when I'll find the phlox in
bloom.
Do oxen eat phlox in the meadow?
Is that my lotion smudge on the window?

I feel the paradoxes like this:

Cold sweats. I googled today, "feeling hot and cold at the same time." Cold sweats. duh. I'm like, sick again, or something.  Working really hard makes me feel calm and peaceful, then I'm like whoa, then I feel good that I did work. First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

Rapid cycling. Avid recycling. Bananas. High-heels and tarmac: hiking. An inkling of focus, a crinkling of locusts. Not locusts, crickets. A bike walking: it's crickets.  Blinking, thinking, sinking. Winking. Wink wink! But at least I'm not drinking. Bring it on home, Amy, Wake up Alone: "stay up clean house, at least I'm not drinking. Run around just so i don't have to think about thinking... "

No, but for real, I decided--happy hours everywhere and not a drop for me to drink. I notice that even one glass of wine has me low the next day. Lord knows I have no reason to despair! With all my blessings, there is no fathomable place that can come from but from toxins that wear my body out too much. I can't even have a cookie without getting way too hyper then crashing an hour later. You'd think, with the amount of health articles I read, I would have some really specific terms for this.  All I can say is, it just seems like every other time I eat something, I start to feel weird.  "All I can say." Ha. Who am I kidding? I always have more to say!

On the last day of class, the teacher brought grapes, and I felt like I got a wild look in my eye as soon as I ate three. Outbursts, trying to contain myself. Those times, it's easy--I've got the smile that will make them forgive me!

I am blessed with being self-aware in this regard, but the flip side is that I feel paranoid whenever I start to get hyper or low, I wonder, what did I eat to make me feel like this??  I also stopped drinking coffee...

My hope is that without coffee, alcohol, or sugar, and with minimal carbohydrates and maximal vegetables, I will feel better.  It pretty much has worked until I started feeling sick on Friday.  That is probably stress related though.

Oh wait, are you not my doctor? Why am I telling you this? Beats me! What I'm trying to say is that I'm fine, but I've had some spells today. That usually happens when I get sick--the little things build up more quickly, and I have less cushion of whatever it is that keeps things from getting to me. What do we call that cushion? My brain isn't working. I woke up in fog.

Moving right along. Nah, for real, I'm sharing because this is the overwhelming question of my life. How can I even out without some kind of medication?

I'm pretty sure the answer is lots of walks, and even more Beyonce.  Tell me if this doesn't make you feel better:
 

I wish pop music could solve all my problems.  Actually, now that I think about it, what situations' resulting moods aren't improved by a little pop music? I'm going to sleep on that one, and let you know what I come up with.

I'm sure you're all dying to read that post, but I have something even more exciting to share with you in the near term. I plan to recite some of my poems to my computer's webcam and post them on my YouTube channel.

The trouble with poetry is (this could also be its own post--or series of posts--troubles of forms, of genres, etc). Ahem. Sorry. The trouble I've had with poetry is that it's hard to get people to read a poem. But people like watching YouTube videos!